When is the 3-month rule in breakups applicable?

THE 3-month rule is a topic that gets tossed around whenever a couple breaks up. People often say that after a break up, individuals should wait at least three months before entering into a new relationship. 

The essence of the 3-month rule in a break up

The idea behind this rule is simple: It’s a time to heal and respect yourself, your former partner, and your future romantic interest. After all, who wants to carry the emotional baggage of a past relationship into a new one? 

As a 22-year-old MJ puts it, “…Kasi doon sa 3 months na ‘yon, parang do’n mo ihi-heal ‘yung sarili mo from previous relationship. Para kapag gusto mo na ulit pumasok sa isang relationship ay hindi ka na totally hurt and broke[n].” 

Making sure you don’t rush your healing process is an act of consideration not only for yourself but also for your future partner, who should not be burdened by the toxic habits and unresolved issues you learned from the previous relationship.

“Kasi there’s some instances na kapag pumasok ka agad sa isang relationship na hurt ka pa, baka maging rebound mo lang ‘yung magiging partner mo o baka makaapekto lang sa bagong relasyon n’yo ‘yung emootions mo,” MJ explained. 

Rebound is a term used when a person who is still emotionally affected by a recent break up starts dating someone else, the rebound, for the sake of distraction rather than genuine interest.

It can also be so frustrating to go through a break-up and learn that your former partner dated just a few days or weeks after. The fact that they did not grieve your relationship like you did may lead you to question their feelings and the value they placed on your relationship.

However, the reasons for breakups among couples vary, as their relationship experiences are different as well. So there lies the question: When is the 3-month rule only applicable? 

When is the 3-month rule in break ups only applicable?

Authentic relationships are strengthened by respect and compassion. Some love so deeply that this respect and compassion extends even after the relationship ends.

“Ayn,” a 23-year-old in a relationship, believes it is important to consider the 3-month rule to spend time healing oneself. 

 “In entering a new relationship, it is necessary for someone to be whole and healed in order to avoid creating another problem,” Ayn asserted.

As cliché as it sounds, people like Ayn believe that time heals. Spending a minimum of three months can help make sure that you spend that long of a time healing.

On the other hand, Latrell Robin, also 23, believes that a 3-month rule helps former partners find closure.

However, he believes that this rule can be disregarded if a third party is involved.

“I’m going to guess that if you two haven’t been together for at least three months, you can break the three-month rule. The other scenario would most likely be when the relationship ended on a bad note due to a third party’s involvement,” Latrell explained.

Third party is a term used to refer to a person a cheater is dating while still in a relationship.

If the principle of the 3-month rule is to respect one’s ex, getting cheated on already violates the principle itself.

“Thalia”, 28 and in a relationship, echoed this perspective, stating, “I think when one of them (couple) has already been together with someone else even before the break up, it is therefore okay for the other one to go meet new people whom they can possibly start a new relationship with,” she shared. 

Similarly, some toxic relationships may seem strong but are actually barely holding on. Some people in such relationships may already be emotionally detached long before the official break up. 

Ayn believes that if someone has suffered for a long time, they should not be judged for moving on quickly.

“When the girl suffered for a long time in a relationship and she eventually found an opportunity to escape and regain her happiness from somebody else…Because sometimes, girls stay in a relationship even if she’s not treated right because she can’t find any courage to start over again with someone else,” she explained.

A person suffering in a toxic relationship deserves peace. So, if a new connection provides safety and peace to that person, dating in less than 3 months should not be perceived negatively. 

Although it is given that they should heal their traumas from their past relationships, it is not necessarily wrong to heal with the help of their new person.

It is not a rule you strictly have to comply with

Although it has been a common and normal rule for some, this rule is not a strict mandate.

MJ, despite knowing the principle behind this rule, still does not strictly comply with it. 

“As for me, hindi ko talaga nasusunod ‘yang 3-months rule na ‘yan. Minsan kasi mabilis ako maka-move on, minsan naman sobrang tagal ko maka-move on, like I had an experience na almost 2 years ako nag-heal from that break up kasi I know I’m not ready yet,” she admitted.

Just like how people have different ways to cope, the time that people have to spend to heal also varies. 

The length of time a person has spent to ‘move on’ does not define the quality of that person’s ‘healing.’ What takes quickly for one person, may take longer for another.

Don’t prioritize your ex’s feelings over yours

The principle behind this ‘rule’ may be about respecting your former partner, but once an ex or other people start forcing you to comply with this rule, it becomes a weapon to make you feel bad about setting your own timeline of moving on.

As “Joanna”, 21 and single, puts it: “There’s also nothing wrong with following the 3-month rule since every break up varies from person to person. My point is that you cannot put a fixed timeline or waiting period as to when you should date again because healing is personal and varies greatly.”

No one knows the exact pain you went through because of that relationship and the break up that followed it, so no one should tell you when to date either.

Ultimately, the decision to start dating again should come from you; date not because three months have passed already, but because you’re ready to engage in a new relationship.

“If you know in yourself that you’re already ready to meet someone new and there’s no more attachment towards your ex, then I don’t see any reasons as to why you should wait for three months before dating again. You shouldn’t prioritize your ex’s feelings over your own happiness. They’re your ex; you’re free to move on when you’re ready,” Joanna added.

Regardless if it’s a healthy break up or not, whether you initiated the break up or they did, a person who does not bring you happiness should not dictate to you how you should achieve it. 

Most importantly, a person who has broken your heart is in no position to tell you how and when to mend it. 

With reports from Bea J. Larosa