Questioning your purpose? Good reads for answers

AHH, the great existential crisis. As many Gen Zs start to enter their twenties, they find themselves suddenly enveloped by this problem: this feeling that hits you out of the blue, making you question your purpose in life. 

Suddenly you realize that are closer to being 30 than you are 18, and everything starts spiraling out of control. 

You ask whether you are doing enough with your life, and why your friends seem to be doing so much better than you are, then try to calm yourself down by reassuring yourself that you’re young and still have a lot of time to do all that you want to do in the coming future. 

And then you go on Instagram, and see your friends out in Bali on plane tickets they’ve paid for all on their own while you’re sitting in a ratty pair of sweats eating stale cereal, and then the cycle begins anew. 

Thank god for humans, though, because if there’s one thing none of us can seem to shut up about, it’s the feeling of being alone. We talk about this problem so much that we make movies revolving around it, write songs about it, and publish books about it – all in the hopes of making everyone around us feel a little less lonely than we feel all the time. 

If you’re suffering from any of the symptoms of having an existential crisis (chills, depression, a fear of dying alone, a sudden urge to eat 10 pints of Selecta Ice Cream all in one sitting) then here are some books you can read that might help to soothe the pain.

1. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

A quote that still hurts to this day: “The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.”

Despite the fact that this book was published all the way back in 1963, it’s impossible not to think “she just like me fr” as you flip through it. 

The Bell Jar is a book that follows a teenager named Esther Greenwood, who’s gotten an internship at a magazine in New York. As the days go by, she realizes something: suddenly it seems as if nothing she does is of interest to her anymore. No matter how much she tries to apply herself and to act like she’s happy, she just can’t bring herself to actually care.

Even when she returns to Massachusetts, she finds herself deeply unhappy. Outside of her academic achievements, she is unsure of what else she has to offer the world. As a woman living in that time, there was only so much you were allowed to do – so much you were allowed to be.

The Bell Jar is always going to be a great book to read if you’re a woman struggling to find your place in the world. Though Esther may be privileged, it’s quite easy to relate to her as a reader – to understand the feeling of depression, of wanting to die even when you should be happy that things are going so well in your life. 

If anything, Esther is a reminder that in this feeling, you are not alone.

2. Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg

A quote that still hurts to this day: “People outgrow me,” he said, in the same blase tone one might say, “That is a tall building.” He picked up a stick and chucked it into the water. “Everyone who ever loves me one day outgrows me.”

Have you seen Netflix’s Bojack Horseman, created by Raphael Bob-Waksberg? If the answer to that is yes, then surely you already know just how good Bob-Waksberg is when it comes to creating moral dilemmas. His book, Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory, does the same. 

For my short attention span girlies out there, this is the book for you. It’s a collection of different short stories from the writer, discussing topics such as loss, heartbreak, and the curse of growing old and having to accept the hurt that comes with living.

On one page, you’ll find tips on how to deal with meeting up with an ex for lunch. On another, you’ll find a story about a girl’s date trying to trick her into opening an obviously fake can of cashews that quickly turns into a hopeful reassurance that love is worth all the fake cans of cashews the world may have in store. 

While there are a handful of stories in this book that remind you of the bleakness of life – of just how cruel people can be – what makes this a good read is there’s also something innocently optimistic about it. 

As seen in the complexities of one’s mortality, yes, people can be cruel, but they can also be kind. And life, no matter how meaningless things may seem, is worth living because of that very fact.

3. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

A quote that still hurts to this day: “I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”

Though this book may just be the shortest one on the list, I wouldn’t exactly recommend it for a light afternoon of reading. It’s expected that a book of Kafka’s is anything but that.

In his most popular novel to date, Kafka writes about Gregor Samsa, a traveling salesman who one day wakes up to go to work only to find that he’s transformed into a humongous insect overnight.

Unable to care for himself and his family, he starts to spiral, feeling that he’s of no use to anyone just sitting in his room and crawling along the walls. And it’s not just Gregor who struggles with the sudden change; his family is at a loss for what to do as well, with Gregor being the only breadwinner before. 

Gregor Samsa is a representation of the guilt that we all carry inside us: that if we are not working – if we are not spending all our time being “productive” members of society, then we may as well be vermin. 

Though I’m sure there are a number of other intricacies and deep meanings that have flown over my head to be found in this novel, that is what has stuck with me most as a Gen Z constantly being taught that my purpose is nothing more than being a slave to capitalism. 

4. Manananggal Terrorizes Manila by Jessica Zafra

A quote that still hurts to this day: “I had no right to be unhappy … I was young, literate, and comfortable, I had just quit a job I didn’t like in the first place. And here I was, wallowing in amorphous middle-class anguish.”

This book is written by Filipino author Jessica Zafra, a writer known for her dry sense of humor and knack for descriptiveness. She has published several short stories over the years, as seen in the number of books in her Twisted series she’s released thus far.

Though there are a few tales in this collection of short stories centered around Filipino superstitions and folklore, there are also a number of other topics that it discusses: the feeling of mundanity, of loss, of heartbreak and rejection, of fear of the threat of the unknown that looms over all of us. 

What’s special about reading Zafra’s book in particular is that it’s a reflection of the Philippine experience; the mothers in her book talk to us the way our mothers do, the societal problems her characters face are the same ones we face. 

While many of her musings may come from the perspective of a young woman struggling through her upper-middle-class life, that’s not to say that there isn’t a little bit of something in this book for everyone, no matter what your gender identity may be.

It’s easy to say that you relate to a character, but with those of Zafra’s, you are sure to have been at least one of them at some point in time. 

5. My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

A quote that still hurts to this day: “It was better to be alone than to be stuck with people who were supposed to love you, yet couldn’t.”

If there’s anything that Ottessa Moshfegh’s story will leave you with, it’s the question of: “Is that it?”

This book is centered around an unnamed narrator who is, by textbook definition, perfect. She’s blonde, skinny, pretty, and rich, and obviously while those qualities aren’t the only things that matter in the world, they are enough in this society to ensure that you are set for life. 

Despite all of this, she finds herself deeply unhappy. Even though she has a good job, and lives in a nice apartment, there is so much that she is still searching for in life. 

Amongst the good things in her life – and the dark that she seems to refuse to acknowledge – is simply a yearning for a long year of rest and relaxation.

Though there are a number of more profound musings within this novel to be deciphered by the reader, one thing is for sure: we have all been this book’s narrator at some point. 

We have all been tired of life, even when our elders tell us that there’s nothing for us to be sad about – so much so that all we’ve been able to think is: “T*ngina, ayoko na, pagod na ‘ko!”