2024 is the year of breakups. The news of Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla ending their long-term relationship, Bea Alonzo reportedly calling off her wedding, and Jericho Rosales and Kim Jones’ separation have left fans heartbroken. These celebrity breakups, among others, have ignited fires for love lost, dreams shattered, and hearts broken. Losing someone causes an intense emotional vulnerability. It’s like having a wound and the recovery process is a low count of platelets tending to an open skin, which will take a long time to heal.

So, how can we close a wound from a breakup? Let’s walk into it delicately. 

Seven stages of grief

After a breakup, you may experience all of these at once, but these stages thoroughly guide you on what feelings are prominent during your grieving process so that you can navigate each process a step at a time. 

1. Shock

A sudden breakup will certainly cause a wave of shock on your body, and not just on your mind. No matter how much you came prepared, your body and mind will not be immune from the shock. 

Emotional shock, according to Dr. Aimee Daramus in an article by VeryWellMind, causes a feeling where, “You might feel numb, or cry, or rage. You might just sit there, emotionally unable to move. You might dissociate, and feel like nothing around you is real, or that it’s actually happening to someone else.”

2. Denial

In this stage of grief, you start to want to escape reality. You deny it because you still haven’t come to accept that it’s over when it truly is. 

When you’re on this stage, you may often be disassociated with things you try so hard to focus on. You will begin to find distractions and fail at it. 

3. Anger

Although this part of grief creates irreversible situations, if you carefully choose what you say and who to say it to, it shouldn’t be kept away in the dark. You may write about it, talk about it with your trusted companion, or even share it in a call to mental health crisis hotlines.

Remember: You’re human, and humans are allowed to feel anger when faced with a love that’s lost. 

4. Bargaining

“Baka naman pwede pa?”

After anger, this is when you realize that it is the end, but your mind insists, “Is it?”

This stage is about you asking a higher being or the universe to bring you two back together. It is the part where you pleaded for your ex to reconcile. 

Bargaining is also when you regret the stuff you did and didn’t do, the words you said and didn’t say. Because you think, perhaps if something were done differently, there’s a chance the relationship is still on.

5. Depression

You may experience persistent feelings of sadness and aversion to activities. The weight of shock, denial, anger, and regret you feel usually leads to depression and feelings of isolation. In the case of a breakup, the term used is situational depression. 

A study found that post-breakup depression that has been going on for more than two weeks is considered clinical depression, a more severe form of the disorder. 

6. Acceptance and hope

Life continues as love should do as well. Aside from romantic relationships, love takes form in friendships, family relationships, and acquaintances. 

In this stage, you may seek connection and support from those around you. This step declares that you have accepted that things aren’t going to change, but you can control how you’ll respond. 

7. Processing grief 

The grieving process is not linear and does not have a timeframe. It can jump from acceptance to bargaining or to any of the stages which is called a relapse.

Rica Legista once tackled grief from a breakup. “From my personal experience, as in every night talaga ang relapse ko dahil sa panghihinayang.”

Relapse is when deterioration happens after an improvement. However, be reminded that you’re not back to zero. As you have successfully gone through each stage, you’ll find it easier to control your emotions the next time. 

Misconception about grieving 

“I’m too ashamed to show that I’m in pain”

Humans, by nature, are created to participate in social settings. Thereby, your vulnerability during the grieving stages shouldn’t be hidden from those who can be a source of support and understanding.

“Time heals”

People have been saying they were “healed” by time. But what happened was it was just put in the far corner, and the passage of time made the pain dull enough to not be felt. But it’s still there, right?

Cherry Dominguez believes that “grief doesn’t get smaller. It’s life that’s becoming bigger.”

Once untended, this grief will eventually cause trauma which will prevent you from enjoying anything associated with your past. 

“You shouldn’t miss or love them once you’re past the acceptance stage”

You can miss them and love them because such feelings don’t mean you want them back. You being human makes it reasonable for you to miss those good memories, and love the time you spent, all while knowing that your chapter with that person is long gone. 

Remember: Caring for the past is alright if it’s the present time and future you are prioritizing.

“You still haven’t moved on?”

Grieving has no timeframe. If you’re taking too long to heal, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Humans aren’t created similarly, so what might be easy for someone may be difficult for you. It is okay, so trust that your efforts will get you there. 

Stories and tips from “now single” individuals

Each love story is different, much like the stories of heartbreak. The wheel to navigate your journey is entirely in your hands, but this doesn’t imply that you are alone, for there are those who love you and those who can offer you some tips for recovering. 

“I think that one person who saved me from that breakup is myself,” said Rica. 

For Rica and Cherry, what also helped them was recognizing their feelings and letting themselves feel them. “I just let myself feel the longing and remember the disrespect to stop me from begging, kasi the more na nirerecognize mo, mas nababawasan ang bigat, mas nakakausad ka.”

Cherry also sourced her courage to keep going from reading quotes and reminders to which she related to. In times when our souls begin to embrace silence, finding other pills of purpose can help us. 

Romantic relationships may fail but the presence of your loved ones and, most importantly your relationship with yourself, will always stay with you. 

With reports from Naomi Viehl D. Politico