Let it hurt until it hurts no more: The way to healing

PAIN is something that follows as you go through life and its uncertainties. It eventually leads you to a phase in life wherein you see yourself in the worst state and wonder, “Do I even matter to this world?”  or “Do I even deserve this?”

The truth is that pain is inevitable. It will hold onto you the longer it takes you to accept it. However, healing shouldn’t be rushed nor should it be forced. 

People go through uncertainties and rushing yourself to figure things out will eventually burn and drain you out.

Nathalie Enriquez, a 20-year-old Gen Z, shared that the pain varies based on how important the person is to your life. 

True enough, some people will just choose to let go easily of those who don’t matter to them but find it difficult to let go of those who meant life to them.

Meanwhile, Ace Marimla has another way of dealing with pain: by embracing and allowing his emotions to go through the ultimate stage.

“Kung malungkot o nasasaktan ka, hayaan mo lang. Kasi through this, mailalabas mo mga emosyon mo, tapos eventually, makakatulong din ito para mabawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman mo,” Marimla told republicasia.

Letting it hurt is the first step toward healing and acceptance. Eventually, getting hurt will make you feel the next stages of grief.

The five stages of grief and why do you have to go through this

The Kubler Ross Model, developed by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, explains these stages of grief in a manner that helps people understand what a hurting and grieving person has to go through.  

Initially, this model was made for terminally ill people who try to await and accept their death. 

These stages were later developed by David Kessler, who applied the model to other distresses that cause pain, such as grief and tragedy.

Gen Z later adapted this method to understand what they had to go through. It is somehow an effective way to acknowledge what you have to deal with and which stage you belong to because eventually, these stages will become your source of fulfillment upon seeing your progress.

Enriquez shared that she does believe in the five stages of grief, with denial being her first step in her personal experience.

“I was in denial when my Dad died. For a few hours, I couldn’t believe it,” she said.

She continued, “It was difficult to believe. Until anger eventually hit me. I was mad at the doctors, at God, and everything.”

This type of anger will eventually lead you to ask questions, trying to bargain the situation by asking all the what could’ve been. As complicated as it seems, this is where you at least try and wish for what you should’ve done. 

Marimla shared that his father is currently dealing with epilepsy, and with his parents separating, he once wished and bargained a lot to himself. 

“What if hindi ko iniwan si Papa? Bubuti kaya yung pakiramdam niya?” Ace said. This type of bargaining is something heavy to carry for him, and along with this, are the regrets brought by depression. 

Marimla shared that during this stage of his life, he felt most hurt upon realizing that life would be so much better if he had a complete family. Back in his younger days, he didn’t get to understand what he went through, but he eventually realized that he had a complete family for a very short time only.

And upon realizing this, it eventually leads to acceptance. 

To heal is to get hurt. To heal is to accept. To heal is to move forward.

Both Nathalie and Ace shared a story that leads toward one thing—healing.

Along with that is the realization that:

To heal is to get hurt. To be embraced by the overflowing pain and sadness, healing will come.

To heal is to accept. To acknowledge the limits of life and situations, and accept that some things have to end, healing will take place.

To heal is to move forward.  To believe that after going through everything, life has more to show, and healing will take place.

With reports from Alexis Fei Caceres