Would You Snitch on Your Cheating Friend?

BEING a friend is more than just companionship, there is a certain responsibility to be there for them, protect them at all cost, share their pain, and keep their secrets, even the darkest ones. But along with these responsibilities are certain limitations that draw a line to friendship. What if keeping those secrets means trespassing your own moral compass? 

Picture this specific scenario. You witnessed your friend cheat on his/her partner. There are at least two plausible paths to this situation. As a friend, the bond and loyalty push you to turn a blind eye to the situation. But if values and morals come into question, the situation becomes more dire and complicated.  This has been a debated subject across varying perspectives. 

Therein lies the ethical question: would you snitch on your cheating friend?

Christel Robles, 22, preferred to be excluded from a situation that she herself did not partake in. She positions herself on the sideline merely to observe and support but not to meddle as an act of respect. “Siguro di ko siya isusumbong. Hindi sa kinokonsinte ko yung kaibigan pero ayokong makisali sa problema nila. Ayokong pumasok do’n sa sarili nilang problema,” she said.

And as the famous Marvin and Jolina quote goes. “Kasi kaibigan lang naman ako… So yeah. Probably ‘di ko siya isusumbong. And siguro kung ano na lang ‘yung desisyon niya, susuportahan ko na lang siya… Ginawa niya yon, panindigan niya,” she added. 

The same goes for Kiara Du, 22, prioritizing her silence, cautiousness, and boundaries in friendship to prevent further damages in the relationship of her friend. “Para sa akin, hindi,” her response, not wanting to tell on her friend. 

“Kasi alam ko na wala ako sa position para sabihin sa partner nya na nagcheat ito sa kanya. Oo andon ‘yong part na kaibigan ko siya pero it doesn’t mean na I have the right para manghimasok doon sa issue nila. Kasi the more na ako mismo ang magsabi baka may masabi ako na hindi naman pala totoo so maga cause siya ng fuel para lalong gumulo ‘yong situation,” she added. 

As a person, she condemns cheating; as a friend, she can utter some advices. But the one to handle responsibility mainly lies on perpetrator. “Personally, I don’t tolerate cheating pero if alam ko na hindi ko siya issue hindi ako maga insist na sabihin or isumbong sa partner nila. Siguro magbibigay ng advice, pero magsusumbong, hindi. Since sila dapat humarap doon sa issue na sila ang gumawa,” she noted. 

Part of the majority, Aira Garay, 21, cowered from the idea of snitching on her friend. “Hindi ko kayang isumbong siya sa partner niya.”  

But she feels responsible enough to offer counsel for her friend. Still, she couldn’t grasp resorting to cheating when the relationship could have ended properly. “Pero syempre pagsasabihan siya about dun sa ginagawa niya. Kasi siya dapat sa sarili niya, alam na niya yung tamang gawin. If hindi na nagawork yung relationship nila, edi tapusin na lang,” she asserted. 

On the opposite side of the equation, Jao Lumalang, 21, despised the act of cheating for himself so he wouldn’t wish the same upon others. “For me, oo,” his answer, admittedly snitching on his cheating friend. “Kasi I don’t like to tolerate cheating especially in a relationship, whether it would be mine or sa iba.”

Before favoring the feelings and bond to his friend, he sympathized first with the suffering of the other party from cheating. “Also concerned ako sa feelings ng tao. Why would you commit in a relationship tapos pag naging kayo lolokohin mo lang? ‘Di ba ang pangit ng ganun. Kawawa din kasi yung jowa ng tao knowing na minamahal niya nang todo, yun pala niloloko siya nang patago. Cheating is a serious issue talaga sa isang relasyon and ang mga gumagawa lang ng ganun ay mga taong ‘di kontento sa relasyon na meron sila ngayon,” he said. 

While in a straightforward response, Melorin Magsilay, 22, had no problem cutting ties with a friend who contradicted her personal values. “Siguro, I would lose the friend who was cheating. I don’t think na I could maintain a friendship with someone who was that toxic,” she affirmed. 

Loyalty vs. Morals

One cannot deny the severity of cheating in a relationship. However, based on the major responses above, being an outside character— not directly involved in the issue plus the underscored friendship makes it difficult for people to rat out the behavior. 

But it does not necessarily mean that they tolerate the act brazenly. The fact that they feel obligated to give advice to their friends who did the cheating and hope for the right thing means that they themselves despise the act as it is. Giving advice may sound insignificant to some but it may open a new perspective for one to realize the gravity of their doing. It carries a more peaceful approach while cautiously ensuring respect for their friendship. 

This is an example of limitations in friendship. Preceding bond and connection to a friend do not guarantee the confidence to do actions without their knowledge that can affect them. Although they have the opportunity to do so, some would rather stay silent and take the role of counsel than do direct actions. Because the issue takes place within the relationship of other people and not in their personal story. You can’t easily enter a house that is not yours.

It is also important to address the fears and consequences of ruining the relationships of their friends from their very own doing which in turn may affect their friendship that some took years of bond.

But on the other side, it is also critical to possess empathy as a person. The cheating of a partner could devastate the other party. Some people could not simply stand by and watch their friend enjoy the luxury of wrongdoing. This demonstrates that a great amount of moral values outweigh any attachment even to friends. That they are willing to face the ruin of their friendship for the sake of righteousness. Dropping people for bent values seems justifiable. 

Indeed it is a noble act. Similar to that of a citizen’s arrest, only that your friend is the thief. It takes a lot of bravery and principle to do this considering the friendship at hand. There are responsibilities one has to a friend such as protecting them. But that does not take their individuality and the capacity to think for themselves and what is right. It only takes common sense to understand that cheating is wrong with no exception. 

But does snitching one friend for a dishonest activity mean one does not value the friendship? Or does keeping your silence on the issue and acting as a guide means blind loyalty or tolerance? These decisions should not be judged as either of these. 

This only showcases different dynamics in friendship. While there are those who set boundaries while acting on the sideline, there are some who value their morals above all. The first carries respect to their friends and their relationships by refusing to directly interfere but only to instill guidance and trust in their friend to handle the situation in the right way as a person with intelligence. While the latter has respect for the basic ethics of humanity leaving no room for cheating to thrive. These forms of respect while having different approaches both aim to denounce the act of cheating.

But unless you as a friend celebrate and encourage your friend’s decision to cheat, one wouldn’t wonder why either of you flocked together. 

With reports from Loyd R. Tolentino