When socializing hurts: Being true to yourself is worth it

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THERE comes a point when staying silent feels heavier than speaking up. It means standing up for ourselves, often seen as defiance. But it also signifies choosing integrity and authenticity over conformity.

Embodying it is having self-respect and powerful values, when the urge to keep the peace chips away at our sense of self. And so we choose to stand, or try to, even when sometimes we forget that we deserve better.

Setting boundaries

A courageous ‘This is enough,’ setting boundaries breaks down the struggle of being pressured to be accommodating, sympathetic, or magalang. Not everyone will understand it, as the world rewards constant availability.

“I used to be the ‘convenience store’ type of person, available anytime, anywhere,” Mayen Medroso, a senior journalism student, told Republicasia. “Kahit saan mo ako ayain, kahit anong oras, [go] lang.”

Recounting how overly available she was, Mayen said she became a “yes” person to her friends. “You could message me at 3 AM and I’d still say yes to going out,” she said.

When asked why, she only answered: “That was just who I was.”

But it didn’t take long for her to sense that something within her had shifted. The fear of not keeping up with relationships she cares deeply about became her most difficult challenge, especially when she began forcing herself to socialize “out of guilt” to avoid conflict and maintain her image. “I became more withdrawn,” Mayen shared.

Things slowly worked out for her when she became honest with her friends and herself. “Nagpaalam ako. I told them na hindi ko talaga kayang makipagkita [for] the past few months. I’ve been in my shell. I needed space,” she said.

While some didn’t appreciate her honesty, “the people who truly care about you will understand and respect that,” Mayen said

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Boundaries are not walls to keep people out, but are bridges to guide us while meeting other people with more wisdom and peace.

Conviction and self-respect

An important quality of a person is the ability to make quiet decisions that create a blaring impact. These decisions mirror how we want to live while refusing to belittle ourselves to make others happy. This act shows our conviction.

Mayen believes in standing by this principle. “[Kahit] ang daming outside noise, kahit maraming doubts or opposition,” she said, this conviction defines our principles, no matter how uncomfortable or unpopular.

Our actions reflect our values, but we must first accept that our existence is valid. It is also how we ensure that we respect ourselves enough to stand our ground.

“It’s what grounds you,” Mayen said. “Kung wala kang conviction, ang bilis mong matangay ng expectations ng ibang tao. But if you have it, you know who you are [and] you know what you stand for.”

Maintaining standards

Meanwhile, maintaining, or even asking to hold, standards is not asking for too much. There is a huge difference between ‘being picky’ and knowing your worth, and it is the people who benefit when you lower your standards that see them negatively.

“[It] changes everything. Kapag alam mo ang worth mo, hindi mo na basta-bastang pinapayagan ‘yung mga bagay or tao na bumaba sa standards mo,” Mayen said.

By doing so, we start making wiser decisions in relationships, work, school, or everyday lives, she added. “You learn to walk away from things na hindi na healthy, and stop chasing validation from people who don’t even see your value.”

“The more you respect yourself, the more you attract people who will respect you, too. It gives you freedom to grow, heal, and love yourself [unapologetically],” Mayen said.

Becoming worth it

Saying ‘no’ does not mean you are selfish or do not care. You do it even when struggling to protect your peace, energy, and well-being.

“To anyone struggling with saying ‘no’, I see you. It means you’re being honest about your limits,” Mayen said. “It might feel awkward at first, but it’s worth it.”

“Hindi mo kailangang i-please [ang] lahat ng tao. Hindi mo rin kailangang i-carry ang lahat ng expectations nila,” she added. “A simple ‘Hindi ko kaya ngayon’ or ‘I’m not in the right headspace for that right now’ is enough.”

Will some people be disappointed? Maybe. But the ones who genuinely care will understand and stand by you. Declining is not the end of your kindness, but the beginning of self-respect.

“Practice it little by little, day by day, and you’ll thank yourself later,” she said.

“[Healing] means letting people down temporarily so you don’t let yourself down permanently,” Mayen added. “Your time, peace, and mental space matter most.”