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Rekindling old friendships: Fresh starts aren’t always about moving on

Rekindling old friendships: Fresh starts aren’t always about moving on

by Rescel Ocampo

Recently updated on January 31, 2025 02:57 pm

‘CUTTING off’ is viewed as Gen Z’s resistance against the normalization of abuse. It represents their effort and desire to put a stop on boundary violations— actions that have become commonplace in the name of preserving relationships and friendships. 

There is courage in standing up for yourself and putting an end to what’s causing you harm. To let go of the people you cared for and loved. To leave what is familiar in order to prioritize your own well-being.

It is an act of self-love that is often associated with beginning anew. 

But in an age where “cutting off” feels easier and going “no contact” is no longer widely frowned upon, the concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation seem to become a relic of the past. It is scary how, like a pendulum, we find ourselves swinging from one extreme to another— shifting from unchecked tolerance of mistreatment to an almost rigid refusal to engage with anything that feels uncomfortable. 

Yet, are Gen Zs really unforgiving? Is there really no room for reconciliation or preservation of relationships in this era? 

Well, thankfully, that might not be the case. 

For this article, republicasia had the opportunity to speak with two Gen Z individuals who shared their experiences of rekindling friendships and embracing forgiveness.

The pains of growing up

Marx Karlo Villaseñor, 23, wasn’t able to escape the greatest curse of adolescent friendships: growing up. 

“The turning point of some of my friendships happened because of adulthood. Being busy with my academics, alongside working a full-time job has affected us a lot. Going through the pandemic has also been a factor,” he told us during the interview. 

Although he has a small circle of friends, Marx wasn’t still able to maneuver around the challenges brought by coming-of-age. 

“There are people who have been friends since childhood and there are people who I’ve become close with during my freshman year in college because of shared traumas and experiences,” he said. 

College was especially a rough time for Marx since he was shouldering big responsibilities as a working student. 

“My friends and I didn’t really have any misunderstandings. We just sort of drifted apart because I needed to give way to other priorities in life,” he said. 

The dynamics of his relationship with a former partner were also strained, which further distanced him from his friends, as he didn’t want to involve them in the complications.

“It was an influence of a previous relationship that sort of drifted us apart,” Marx admitted. 

Despite this, Marx still hoped that the rift between him and his friends wasn’t too deep.

“I always have hope. I know my friends very well. I always know that it only takes one reaching out to rekindle our friendship.”

With everything going on, Marx felt he didn’t have the time to reach out. He also felt ashamed to ask for their help, believing he hadn’t been there for them when they needed him.

But when the pressure of life finally got into Marx, he decided to seek comfort in the familiar.

“There was a time where things were not going well. I’m lucky to have friends who always have my back even though we haven’t talked to each other in a while.”

His friends did not hesitate to take him back. They comforted Marx and gave him advice that finally led to their reconnection. 

“It’s quite easy because we instantly felt comfortable with each other. It’s funny because the problem I had back then opened the doors to our relationships again. They helped me get through everything. Going back to our shared experiences and having a good laugh about it really helped.”

Marx realized that he never really lost his friends— they were just waiting for him to reach out. 

“My friends are always a call or chat away. We’ve built a great bond. They are a major part of my life and they’re with me wherever I go. I consider them as a family now.”

Forgiveness saves

Maria Joanna “Erich” Pagsolingan, 19, was no stranger to cutting people off. She knew her worth and set clear boundaries, refusing to tolerate mistreatment from others. 

But although Erich is firm with her boundaries, she also has a forgiving heart. Erich has a bubbly personality that it wasn’t hard to get close to her. 

“I can’t help it pero I am, for real, a forgiving person,” said Erich with humor. 

“Most of my friends tell me masyado akong mabait, pero I can’t help it,” she laughs, “This is who I am. I can’t hold a grudge if alam kong nag-e-effort ‘yung tao sincerely and genuinely to become better.”

Erich was referring to the two friends she had cut off but later managed to be friends with again. It happened on different occasions. 

The first friend she cut off was someone from her junior high school. She said that she didn’t like the way she was treated back then. 

“Grade 7 Science High School. You don’t know anyone, plus, most friendships na nagsa-start ay temporary lang talaga. But nah, we, for real, sticked. Araw-araw magka-chat. ‘Pag may need academically andyan, chika, basta we spent most time together. We had the same interests too. Tumagal ‘yon hanggang grade 10. Discord every night, nagpapatugtog [kaming] Hamilton at Heathers habang nagka-cram ng school works,” shared Erich, recalling the time. 

It was a picture-perfect friendship for a teenager like her, but though it lasted for four years, Erich and her friend soon found themselves in a row. 

Erich recalled that it was during the COVID-19 pandemic when things really started. They were both stressed, depressed, and facing several mental burdens. 

“Talo siya sa Gacha,” Erich reminisced, referring to the video game, “I was trying to console him, but bro [her friend] said ‘go stick to your KPOP or something’. Nainsulto takong malala. Girl, KPOP ang emotional support ko nung pandemic tapos iinsultuhin mo ako nang gano’n? Over a game that just so happens I’m luckier at?!” 

She wasn’t able to hide her frustration, even years after it happened. 

“It also doesn’t help na KPOP stan din siya and niregaluhan ko siya ng something for the game,” Erich lamented. 

It didn’t get any better when she tried to communicate her feelings. 

“After distancing myself, I communicated na hindi ako natuwa sa sinabi niya. I also knew that he was struggling mentally and for the most part, I was the only person he was talking to, the only friend he kept in touch with, so I couldn’t just leave him. But bro apologized by rick rolling me,” she recalled. 

Rick rolling means that the guy has trolled her and didn’t take apologizing seriously. 

“At that point, I was like, screw it! Bahala ka na sa buhay mo,” said Erich. 

Despite this, she still recognized the mental burden experienced by her friend, but she also knew that wasn’t supposed to excuse his behavior. Erich kept her distance from him, until she reached Senior High School where she was dared by her friends to chat with him again.

“Funnily enough, nung Grade 12, dinare ako na i-chat siya. So nag-small talk kami. hanggang sa officially and properly siya nag-apologize sa pinagsasabi niya dati. I accepted kasi nga, I understood and appreciated that he apologized. I knew rin naman na people change and reflect, so why would I decline his apology?”

This led to their reconciliation. Erich and her friend began talking once more. They also hang out a few times. 

But for Erich, things were never the same again. 

“We don’t talk as much as before kasi compared sa dati na legit araw-araw talaga. Ta’s ngayon, ‘pag free kami or if may ganaps ang isa’t-isa na lang na gusto pag-usapan.”

She said that it was her way of maintaining her friendship but also balancing her own welfare. 

“Syempre ngayon mas emotionally mature and may boundaries kami, pero we reassure each other na, we have each other’s back despite the time and distance away.”

Another story she shared happened only last year. This time, the friendship had a happier end. 

“We’ve known each other since Grade 9. Happy crush ko siya noon pero I realized na mas solid kami as friends. After knowing each other for years, nung Grade 12, we were legit best friends. We understood and cared for each other on a level that transcended soulmates. We legit loved each other with intention and purpose.”

But the conflict started when Erich became entangled in a fight between her best friend and their other friend. People took sides and she found herself caught in the middle. 

It was a chaotic incident and both Erich and her best friend fell into a misunderstanding. They began to avoid each other and blocked one another on every social media platform. 

“May in-IG story siya na letter to his friends tapos hindi niya ako sinama. I was so hurt. So I was like ‘ahh sige, if you no longer consider me as your friend ah e ‘di sige ako na mag-a-adjust. Ako na mangka-cut off, like girl ‘yung tampo ko talaga ay abot langit kasi we were the best friends. If there ever is a duo in a group, it would be us. So binlock ko siya sa lahat. Oops!” said Erich playfully. 

This really hurt her, especially since they were both studying in the same university. Erich shared that whenever they would pass each other on the campus, she felt a tinge of pain in not being able to talk to her best friend. 

But blessings do really come in disguise. There was an unfortunate incident in the organization where they both belong to. Her best friend’s first instinct was to reach out and warn her to prevent her from experiencing it. 

For Erich’s part, when she learned of her best friend’s predicament, she did not hesitate to raise the concern to the higher ups who prevented further dangers. 

“One random night, nagkasalubong kami nung pauwi ako galing org, so nag small talk here and there. Hanggang sa napag-usapan uli namin friendship namin and ano gagawin from point here on. For context kasi yung convo namin prior to this happening ay parang closure lang sa kung ano nangyari in the past. pero nung nag-usap kami dito, tsaka namin kinlaro na we would like to be in each other’s lives again. From there on, we established na we can consider each other as friends kasi gusto nga namin uli and we still care and love each other.”

Again, Erich acknowledges that there are some things that won’t be the same again after the fight. But she was still grateful for it because it only helped their relationship grow. 

“We just adapt. It’s never going to be the same again, and it’s ok and it should be, especially may problem sa past. And it’s important not to deny the past. Instead, we honor and acknowledge it. We constantly learn from it.”

“Also ayon, we make an effort to include each other in our new lives like pagpapakilala sa akin ang jowa and new friends niya or me inviting him in things that I care about. Basically showing up for each other again.”

The answer is balance

It is important to reflect on the balance between self-preservation and reconciliation. While distancing yourself from harmful situations is empowering, it also raises questions about how to deal with conflict, forgiveness, and complications within relationships. 

“Cutting off” should not be the first response but rather a measured decision made after assessing whether boundaries can be communicated and respected. In some cases, healing may come not from severing ties entirely but from addressing issues head-on and rebuilding relationships on healthier terms.

Fresh starts don’t always mean leaving the past behind and simply moving on. 

Sometimes, the most genuine fresh starts come from rediscovering what you once forgot or picking up right where you left off. #RAFreshStart. 

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